just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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