if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
