My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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