i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
