every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
