Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
