i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
