i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
