just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
