you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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