Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
