someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
