4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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