Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
