this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
