Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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