white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
