You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
