proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
