shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
