Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
