Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
