I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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