just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
