the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
