So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize