If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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