he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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