I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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