She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
