I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
