We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
