I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
