I'm so fucking centered right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
