Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
