I bet he comes in French.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
