On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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