Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
