so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Boobs speak an international language.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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