The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
