dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
