I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
