so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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