dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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