just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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