Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
