I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
