I think i peed on brittanys purse
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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