he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
