you guys were way drunker than both of me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize