they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
