your thong is hanging out like whoa
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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