So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
