The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize