Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
