I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
