I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
