You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
