I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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