Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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