i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
