There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
