I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
