i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
