The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
