just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
