All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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