I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
