sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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