Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
