Porn is love you can see.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
