I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
