I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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