What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
