my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
