I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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