the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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