Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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