HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
