Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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