Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
