if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
