i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
