so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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