did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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