Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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