Come see our sink grown plant.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They have beer where we have blood.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
