her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
