i would punch a child for taco bell
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize