I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
