After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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