Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
