How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
