I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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