I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize