Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't put those talents on a resume
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
