We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
