i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Green mimosas i think yes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
