FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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