So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
