Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
