Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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